I am pregnant, what should I do?

Question by lantagrace: I am pregnant, what should I do?
My fiance and I are pregnant. How great, but really, it isn’t. His family is extremely excited and I’m feeling just a little jealous because I can’t even tell my family. First of all, my grandma is a Christian lady who would be devestated that I got pregnant before I finished school and before I got married. I don’t really even have the heart to tell her to her face how badly I messed up, so I was planning on writing her a letter a little bit further down the road. My mom, on the other hand, is really against my having a child. I was pregnant two years ago and the only two people that I had to be there for me and help me decided that they wanted me to have an abortion. Since I refused to have an abortion, they beat my ass to the point where I lost my child. Obviously, I’d rather not deal with that again. On top of all of this, I have a great job where I work full time and I also go to school full time. This really isn’t fitting into my schedule, but people aren’t always exactly ready for children. I was hoping to get further down the road before any of this happened. I understand that I had sex and that I have to face the consequences of my actions.

My fiance was previously very supportive, but I have serious emotional issues surrounding this that I just can’t seem to get over. He knows that I can’t handle a baby emotionally right now because the result of my last pregnancy destroyed me. I was telling him that I’m afraid of not being a good mother and I’m afraid that I am going to still put myself first because there are a lot of things that I still need to accomplish in my life. He keeps calling the baby “it” and tells me that we need to “take care of the problem”. He then says that the two of us will never have children again (something that I REALLY want to do, just not now), and I feel that our lives together will be miserable due to the punishment of God.

I really don’t know what to do. I told him that I could never live with myself if I did that to my child, so he told me that he was going to make me. He was going to take me there and be very upset if I told them that anyone forced me to do this, but that he was forcing me. He said it was for the best because he’s currently living in his mothers basement, doesn’t have a good enough job to move out on his own or support a family, etc. Everytime I ask him if he’s having second thoughts about what is going on he tells me no and that an abortion would be for the best.

I need someone else’s view point on this. I’m riding the fence right now because of everything going on in my life. I’m only contemplating that this baby may help me heal, but it may be subject to a lot of sadness and destruction within it’s life because I can’t pull it together and be there for it like a mother should.

Please, someone help me. I am asking for honest advice, I don’t need anyone telling me that I should have known what I got myself into. I did. I’m sorry that the consequences are a little too much for me to handle. Had I known how I would react to the news, I would have protected myself better. Like they say, hind sight is 20/20 and the mistake has already been made. Please be unbiased and nonjudgemental if you reply here. Thank you.

Best answer:

Answer by Sara C
First of all, get rid of the abusive and destructive people in your life including your boyfriend. If he really loved and cared about you, he wouldn’t be forcing you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. This is YOUR body and your choice and I cannot make it for you but don’t do something you will regret later on in life. Having children was the best thing that ever happened to me. Good luck to you.

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6 thoughts on “I am pregnant, what should I do?”

  1. abortion is murder, how would your family and man view that? one of the 10 commandments is “thou shall not kill”

    so either have the baby or give it up for adoption, its up to you

  2. Keep the baby! 🙂 Emotionally it’s pretty easy to deal with, you’ll have so much love for this gorgeous baby nothing else will matter. You’ll be an amazing mum and there is SO much support out there too!!
    Your grandma will probably react better than you think. No matter what, family always get there, may take a while to sink in but it’ll turn out fine.
    I hope it all turns out okay!
    Congrats by the way!! 🙂
    My parters parents HATED me at first for keeping my baby! REALLY wanted to me to have an abortion…even my fiance mentioned abortion once. Now they’re fine with it and realise they can’t control my opinion and we can’t wait 🙂

  3. most people are against abortion- I on the other hand feel a woman has the right of Choice in this kind of situation. You need to pray on this. Make sure your decision what ever it is, is the right choice for the rest of your life. I had an abortion when I was 19, and like you, I could not tell my parents. Looking back, I have no regrets. It all worked out the best, now that I am a grandmother. You just need to go with your heart. It’s your decision, (and the baby’s daddy) no one elses. Good luck, wishing you the best whatever you decide.

  4. This is a sincere answer.

    These are pictures of what you have inside you.


    Please give this child a chance to live. If you do not think you could give the child a happy life then please consider giving him/her up for adoption. There are many couples out there who WILL be able to give the child a chance to have a good life.

  5. I’m really sorry for all that you’ve gone through previously and all that you are going through now.

    I understand that this situation is not ideal for you or your fiance considering the living situations, and the emotional situation that you are going through. If you do not feel that you can have an abortion, then do not have one. It is your right as a woman to decide that for yourself. After you make that decision it’s really time to decide what is best for the baby.

    If you think you can get back up on your feet and support a baby and a family in a healthy way then all the power to you, you can do that. Otherwise, give the family up for adoption to maybe an infertile couple that is unable to have children.

    Your family knows you are sexually active if you have conceived before, and if they are Christian they will understand the selfless act of you giving life to another family for the sake of your child’s well being.

    If you can not bare the emotional stress of even an adoption there are always government agencies that help you get back on your feet. there is WIC (woman infant child) there is Medicaid, there are food assistance. So many programs to help out mothers, and if you are a teen or very young there are even more programs directed for your assistance. I really hope this helps you and I’m sorry you are having such a hard time of things.

    I wish you the best of luck. 🙂

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